优秀作文评析 (36)
优秀作文评析 (38)
【习作要求】
生活中我们经常会经历一些非常有趣的事情，请记述一次有趣的经历。题目自拟。
【名师提示】
这是开放式作文，没有限定取材的范围，所以故事可以是发生在家里的，也可以是发生在学校里的，或者其它地方的。根据提示，我们可以用“An Interesting Experience”作为题目。然后根据自己所确定的选材，写出提纲。在提纲的基础上进行写作会更加的容易些。在写作中，要交代清楚事情的时间、地点，要重点说清楚事件发生的过程。
【学生习作】
| An Interesting Experience | |
| A few years ago, when I was a pupil, I was given a chance to go to the Children’s Palace to be a shop-assistant serving for (1) the foreign friends from the USA, Britain, Japan and other countries. I accepted it, as I thought it would be a very good chance for me to practice English. The teachers there asked me to work there in every Tuesday afternoon (2). Once, an old American lady with her little granddaughter came to my counter and asked for some handicraft articles. It was difficult to talk with the old lady without a translator (3). I tried to make myself understood with the little English I had learnt in my English lessons. Finally I understood that she wanted to buy her granddaughter a special present. There were some little toy chicks made of woolen cloth (4), some pencil sharpeners, and souvenir badges. But I did not think they were special. Suddenly I saw an elegant golden abacus (算盘). The abacus is the earliest computer (5) in the world, and it was invented by the Chinese people. I thought the abacus was a special thing the lady might want. Then I put it on the counter. I poked one of the small golden pearl (6), and said, “one,” I poked another, “two,”… At last when I counted up to ten, the little girl cried, “It’s interesting! Granny, I want it. ” The old lady bought the abacus with a smile. The little girl was very happy. So was I. I did my first, but special business in my life. | (1)serve表示“为……服务” 时，是及物动词，如serve the people，不用介词。所 以这里多了一个介词for。 (2)this，that，last， next，every 等词后接时间 名词时，前面一般不再用介 词。如：every day，this afternoon，next week 等。 (3)现场口译者一般用 interpreter，translator 多指笔译者。 (4)改成 There were some little woolen chicks要 简洁得多。 (5)computer 一般指计算。 “计算器”用calculator。 (6)算盘珠不能用 pearl (珍 珠)表示，可用 small ball 指代。 |
| 【名师点评】 该文叙述清楚生动，行文流畅自然，突出了“究竟为外国老太太的孙女选什么样的商品最能表现出中国的特点”这一中心，因而颇有意义。此外，就语言而言，词语、句子结构运用也较熟练。 | |
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