优秀作文评析 (35)
优秀作文评析 (37)
【习作要求】
假如你是张雷，你们学校下周五要开运动会。请根据下面的要点给在你校任课的美国老师Miss Brown写一封邀请信，邀请她参加运动会，并参加教师项目的比赛。词数120左右。
要点：
开始时间：周五（5月29日）上午8点
地点：学校大操场
学生项目：田赛、径赛
教师项目：4×100米接力赛；托球跑（running with a table tennis ball）
【名师提示】
这是一封邀请信，内容涉及到将要举办的一项活动，时态主要要用一般将来时。因为是写给老师的邀请信，语气要正式、恭敬，语言要言简意赅。短文的条理要清晰，材料安排要逻辑严谨。
【学生习作】
| An invitation to Miss Brown | |
| Dear Miss Brown, How are you doing recently? ① A ② sports meet will be held on the big playground of our school on May 29th. The opening ceremony will begin at 8:00 in the morning. ③ The sports meet will include field event and track event ④ for students, such as the high jump and the long jump. There are also ⑤ some games for teachers, such as the 4×100 relay race and running with a table tennis ball. They must be very interesting. ⑥ ⑦ I wrote this letter to invite you to take part in the sports meet and take part in the teachers’ events. ⑧You are good enough to win the game. Please come and join us. Be sure to come. We’re all looking forward to ⑨ seeing you. I will call you tomorrow. Thank you. Best wishes. Yours, Zhang Lei | ①邀请信一般要开门见山写明写信目 的。应改成：I am writing to invite you to take part in the sports meet in our school. ②因上文所改内容中已经提到了运动 会，应改为the。 ③内容的主题改变了，建议分段。 ④改为：field and track events。 ⑤应用一般将来时，改为：will also be。 ⑥改为“It will be a lot of fun.”，从参加人的角度写更好。 ⑦因为正在写信，不应用一般过去时； 前半句已经改在前面，后半句改成： I hope you are interested in the teachers’ events. ⑧语气过于随便而生硬，应删掉。 ⑨用词不够准确，改成：your coming。 |
| 【名师点评】 本习作将运动会的时间、地点等要点表达得很清楚，行文比较流畅，但是要注意邀请信的要求，写信目的要放在开头，措辞要谦和，礼貌而不失热情，不强加于人，注意尊重英美文化的差别。 | |
作者：admin@E题库
地址：http://www.etiku.cn/post/271/
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